Kiss Today Goodbye, or "When Your Cousins Practice Sex On You - part 2"

OK.. so I'm back.

And I notice I say "OK" and "SO" a lot.

But I got distracted, figured I'd take a break... but want to finish my story and try not to go on too many tangents. I know you all on on the edge of your seat... well.. just you Oz, since you're the only one I've given this link to. HA!

where was I?

So in my family there was me and a younger brother. My mom's family was at the very least an hour drive away and I never knew them very well... my dad's side really was he and his brother. Uncle Jim is the man I hope to be some day... he was just calm, level headed... he was a great guy who unfortunately died from smoking a carton of cigarettes a day for the last 5 years of his life. I miss him daily.

Uncle Jim had a awesome wife... my Aunt (Ant) M-, and they had 3 kids.. two older girls and a son named Jamie who is 6 years older than I am... so while I didn't really grow up with him, he was in all respects an older sibling to me... they all were. I idolized them, and I would see them often... growing up, they were who I played with. Jamie's cousin on his mom's side was Chris, who lived down the street from me, so honestly, I did see them all the time.

We had a park in the neighborhood where I lived... ok.. here I go again, but to describe my home.... as I said before, I pretty much lived in "Little Israel." It was a very "new" neighborhood... new model houses... built in the early 80's, before that, the late 60's... but it was a very NEW city, compared to the city I live in now in New England where you can actually live in a house built in the late 1600's. My city - we'll just call it LI instead of using the first initial dash thing (B-, OH) was new, but my home, and the homes in our collective community were closer to 100 years old. It was a weird oasis... there was a prominent family in Ohio in the late 1800's who owned a LOT of farm land... they had an incredible house on this land, and had a small street where they built a house for the family doctor - Dr. Hanger, who lived 3 doors down from me until his death in the late 80's.. and they built my house for one of their daughter's weddings in the 1920, taking an existing 1890s farmhouse and adding on to it. It is a beautiful house... one BIG L shaped home that is very beautiful and has an acre and a half of land and gardens, and is on this community street... in the middle of this street is a park that had a pavilion and every Thursday in the summer all the houses would meet up and have a big bar-b-que... Memorial day we'd have a parade... whatever the theme was what the costume was... many houses, including ours, would make awesome floats with our riding lawn mowers and wagons...

I had to just go back and see where I was going with this, since face it.. I was going off topic. LONG story short (HA.. you'll probably hear that from me often) is that the park made my child hood a magical and very enjoyable time. I mention it because that is where I would end up spending many hours with my two cousins, Chris and Jamie.

When they got to be about 14... me about 8... they figured out sex was something they wanted to experience. I almost think I'm about to gloss over this part, which is what these last two points were supposed to be about, but they'd... we'd... get into one of their beds, and get almost naked.. underwear stayed on... and they'd pretend to have sex with me and each other.

There.. I said it.

It wasn't gay. It was two adolescents trying to explore their bodies and act like they would if they were with a woman.

Why was I there? I guess I haven't thought about it a lot... it's definitely a chapter in my life.. but not sure why. I remember once having my cousin L- burst in and saying she was going to tell my Aunt M-. I remember them telling me I couldn't tell anyone.

I remember once asking Chris to "play sex" with me again.

I remember too asking to kiss. They wouldn't do that. I wanted to so badly... I just wanted to kiss someone in an adult way... the sex was kind of not an issue with me... the "sex." But I didn't see it as sex until there was kissing.. and I really wanted to kiss... I wanted to kiss them... again.. this is weird typing, because it was my cousins, but it wasn't an incest thing.. it wasn't abuse... I liked being with them. I am pretty sure I wouldn't have cared it was a man or a woman... it was the kissing though I wanted.

Looking back at it now (and I swear, I don't usually dwell on this, and frankly, with everyone on facebook asking for the link to this blog since I made it my status update, THIS is the post that will keep me from giving it to them) it was kind of like that lunch monitor in 2nd grade. I can't say I knew what was happening, but a part of this has stayed with me ever since.

I LOVE KISSING... I LOVE KISSING ANYONE... WITH TONGUE.

My boyfriend hates it.. and won't actually kiss me passionately anymore. 7 years I'll rack it up to.... and he says that it had something to do with him having 2 older by at least 10 years brothers who would punch and stick things in his face all the time and he just gets claustrophobic... but sadly I think he doesn't know what he's missing. It's an incredibly intimate act... to 1) be that close to a person, to smell him... to feel the heat from his face... the breath of a man... to feel... while kissing... someone smile... not to see it... to just know it's happening. A gentle kiss... a strong kiss.... to open your eyes and look into the person's in front of you... how one can't want that every moment of every day... I'm not really sure. I wanted it when I was 8. I want it now.

I've kissed a lot of people.. men and women... I love it.

Do I think that the whole thing with my two older cousins was a bit awkward and bizzare?... yeah... a bit. I totally understand it. I don't think it's really an abnormal thing. I'm pretty sure if you asked either of them about it they'd deny it completely and would probably not remember any of it anyway. I remember it though. I wonder if we actually were all younger than I just wrote. It's a memory I can't say was ever documented. But it made an impression.


OK.. so this is where I stop for tonight at least. What can you expect from other posts? I will probably get into my high school theater conquests.. because.. really... I was SO good. :) HA. There was a high school attraction or two... an INCREDIBLY beautiful man I worked with as a camp counselor... oh that will be a post unto itself. My girlfriends will be a post.. or 4... and what I blame on my gayness.... my dad is totally to blame AND NO IT IS IN NO WAY RELATED TO THIS CURRENT POST! EW! GROSS!

EW.. really... EW! My first penis will be a post. My first date. My "kid in the candy store phase." My outing (both of them) while I was principal of a 5-8th grade all boys catholic school principal... YEAH.. there it is.. that will keep you reading right there.

If there's one thing I've learned... give em something to come back to.

Thanks for reading... oz... since you're the only one I've given this link to. :)




I KIND OF WANT TO END POSTS WITH INTERESTING OTHER THINGS I'VE COME ACROSS TODAY or this week.. or whatever.

What I'm listening to right now (usually always on either NPR or XM Radio On Broadway)
THE HORRIBLESSSS SONG EVER "I Think I've Got You Beat" from Shrek the Musical... UGH.. I hate this show.. I hate this soundtrack.. they burp in it.. GROSS.. and just why remake another movie into a musical??? really??? AND it has SO MANY Tony Nominations... don't get me started or we'll be here for another foot of type

I also follow alot of other fun gay blogs... what's one link I thought was a good one today....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjdyjL0dbG8


Have a good night. Perhaps I'll be back later to tell... the rest of the story.