The Color Purple

I WANT TO BE A BLACK WOMAN SO BADLY!

I'm just saying, but still... I totally want to be a black woman, or frankly a man... mainly because they have the best songs.

Last night my partner and I went and saw The Color Purple up in Providence. It was great! He didn't even fall asleep and it was like 3 hours long... very unusual for him. I have a subscription to the Broadway tour series, so about once a month we go see whatever show has roled into town. On the drive home, I decided to entertain D- with a colection of black women singing in Broadway shows... Ragtime, Dreamgirls, Violet, Big River... plus Free At Last, where a black man sings, but still.. it's a good song... ending with When A Big Black Woman Stops The Show from Fame Becomes Me. I was pretty proud of myself pulling out one song after another.

D- is a good sport... although he doesn't care about showtunes the way I do. I'm working on him though.. we listen to Broadway XM Radio all the time and usually throw out an arbitrary amount of money for him to guess which show the song is from... if he doesn't get it I give him a clue, but the prize money goes down... He's gotten very good at it. I probably owe him about 1 million dollars by now... which again, just demonstrates how proud I am of him.

In case you haven't noticed yet, I am going to try to title each of my posts after a showtune.. I mean, this blog IS about me being gay.. not sure you can get any gayer than that. It will be much like the titles of the Desperate Housewives episodes... not sure you know this but each episode (almost) is named after a song written by Stephen Soundheim. Of course, my plan already is not really true because the last title I put Kiss Today Goodbye, but the actual title of the song is What I Did For Love... which actually, is a good title for this blog... and one I'll use again.

What DID I do for love? Well.. when last we left your fearless caped crusader (superheroes are so hot) I was being molested by my cousins... HA. sorry.. that is SO wrong.

I was somewhat an awkward kid.... my suburban family made sure I signed up for everything. From 1st-3rd grade I went to the public school (little Israel, remember?) but in 4th grade my mom decided it was time for me to go to catholic school. It was just worst experience of my entire life... honestly. I hated everyone there.... if you didn't start in kindergarden there, then you weren't accepted.. you weren't a part of it.... the kids were mean, and I'll admit I probably wasn't the nicest to some of the kids either... the teachers (a few) were very not nice... my parents got called into 5th grade once because I was in the "red group," the smart kids group, and I wasn't doing well... and the teacher asked what we wanted to do and I decided to work harder and stay in the group... but like 2 days later Sr. Mary Cunt of the Earth yelled at me, in the middle of class, saying that she was ashamed for me that my parents had to come in and beg for me to stay in the smart group when I should have probably just gone back a year.

Worst Experience Ever. I still, to this day, replay in my mind that moment and what I should have done.. I SHOULD have just walked out of the classroom, down to my homeroom, got my coat out of the closet as the class was still going on, and walked home... all done with loud banging of the lockers and doors, my head held high, ignoring people asking me what I was doing... I should have just left... such drama for a 5th grader. A clue I was gay.

I didn't of course.. I slunk back into my desk as the kids snickered at me.

5th grade was interesting on other levels too... going to my 10th birthday at the local skating rink my mother wrapped our car around a telephone pole and we all went to the hospital... the parents of my guests just dropping them off at the rink and my brother, mom and I not showing up... mom had a punctured lung, a few broken ribs... our trip to Disney World that winter was cancelled. The next week I wore the same blue sweater (Cyrilian Blue I believe, thank you Devil Wears Prada) to school and apparently it still had blood stains on it. The teacher asked me to change.

5th grade was also the FIRST time I asked a girl on a date, and also, vaguely I remember my first crush on a boy, although the feeling wasn't very strong. I believe his name was Pat. That's really all I remember other than we were kind of friends and I thought I'd liked him more than that. The girl was Kirsten... she didn't like me... at United Skates of America she said to me "fine, you can do one lap around the rink with me but you can't hold my hand." I found out later that she got pregnant not once but twice in highschool... tramp.

After 5th grade I was all set with Catholic School... the natural progression in my family was to go to the private boy's prep school at high school, but I couldn't wait.... so I enrolled in 6th grade there...

I think I'm going to continue this later.. but trying to stick to the theme of this blog... definitely my early years had a huge affect on me being gay, even if I didn't know it at the time. I wonder if that's what happens to everyone, or how "special" it was for me. The frustration with the catholic thing never entered my mind... other than that I hated the school... but there's not "priest stories" or really abusive nuns... no choirboy fantasies... but I think this early interaction with people my own age made me not like to be around people my own age very much... I've only dated guys older than me.. and actually only dated women older than me with one exception. I was seperate from my age group because I was ... what? more mature? or just bored with what I already figured out?

I find it interesting as well that I just remembered that crush on Pat. Why haven't I thought about that more in my life? Why do I just play over and over again being yelled at in front my the entire class? I hope I have some answers as I progress in this blog. We'll see.

Up next, Private Boys School and me growing in confidence. If you were hoping for just porn and sex, you've probably already skipped this post and will probably want to skip the next few, but I think I'll make some interesting observations. We'll see.

I'm working at the moment actually.. I run private events for a museum intown... weddings, corporate dinners... they rent the space and bring in a caterer... tonight is our club's opening night party... so I don't really need to be there for the whole thing.. just to put up the tables and clean up after. I had a very cute guy start working for me tonight too.. he's taller than I am, which at 6'5 is impressive.. so I'm here to nurture and teach... HA.. and ooogle him as he mops the floors.

I definitely will get back to the Color Purple soon though, which is why I think this is a good cut off point... part two to continue until hopefully I come full circle and make it poingient and thought provoking. I'll leave you with this link... which is actually sticking to my pattern of songs I'm listeing to at this moment.. there's nothing playing in my office, but this song has been playing in my head all day. Listen to the words.. and then maybe the catholic school, notice little things theme of this post will make sense. This is a medley of the show, but it's the last song... take a grain of love to make a mighty tree, even the softest voice can make a harmony.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF3p2FLArhY&feature=related